sowii girl, iim too lazy.
sowii yaa .. but it will pass, wont it.
pepo wont remember abouts it ..


ii ruind what had been good.
it has always been lyk thats ..
why m ii d spoiler always .. why m ii
it wasn't mine intention at all.
ii want him too much t want t lose him; nd ii cant afford t.
ii noe ii wont die without love,
ii noe ii wont die without him,
nd ii certainly noe ii will stil go on living without him.
but ii dont want t lose, not him.
why is this happening t me time nd again ..
ii have no right t start with, so what can ii do.
ii admit iim weak.


curiosity kills d cat .. happens t all ain't?
it sucks. but what can b done ..
all this doubts in me, what can ii do?
CLARIFY; uu would sae.
h0w m ii gona go bouts doing that?
tell me.
ii had no right t pursue d truth behind all these ..
nd noeing d consequences, ii noe it's a possibility ii would lose him.
ii alr dont own him .. how can ii afford this possibility.
how PATHETIC can ii b?
nicole said, when uu dont noe d truth .. it wont hurt
SO DAMN TRUE.
but ii dont learn, time nd again ii get mineself hurt.
mayb this shows how lil' trust ii have, in him nd me
or should ii sae .. in US
ii dont know what t do as everything aint certain.
ii have no security from d start, all ii have is his words; promise.
what does all this show?
d fact that he will worry ..
d fact that he is willing t be on fone with me despite being uncomfortable while gaming
d fact that he made an effort t assure me
d fact that we had been through so much nd so long ..
what does all this show?
no one is able t judge all this, even me nd him.


when pepo ask bouts us, ii simply dont know how t ans.
for we aint tgether after so long ..
but it is not something ii can control.
ii dont know whether t share mine probs with pepo too, aint it a hassle.
sometimes iim contentd just with him nd me.
ii dont have t care for anithing, nd hope nothing happens.


ii noe mine fwens all dont tynk well of him.
ii also dunoes whether isit right for me t continue all this.
ii dont even noe if he wants it ..
how much do ii noe him,
how much do ii noe what's happening.
ii onli noe what he tells me
ii can do nothing but trust him
he has that freedom t do what he wants.
so what he saes he loves me.
things can change .. that's when security comes in.
so what if he loves me ..
yes uu do anithing for d one uu love, but it ain't apply always.
he aint someone lyk d usual group out there lyk uu or me.
his lyfe is complicated nd weird.
it's lyk iim siding him ..
but actuali, ii also dont noe much of him ii'd sae.
his sk0ol lyfe ; his fwens ; his everything .. whatever that's going on


ii feel that thing uu all feel too ..
why is he doing this when he saes he loves me.
ii dont have an ans mineself, but what can ii do ..
ii reali wanna leave.
alot of times ii tried, but he would b ultra nice ii dont noe why.
nd ii cant get mineself away.


ii hate mineself for this.
now, iim scared t lose him.
ii dont noe why is there still hope for me t him, so long has passd.
t sae ii wanna give up when it's mine bdae or his, so earli t sae.
will we even last that long..
will ii even abide by the decision ii'v made ..
ain't all this just plain stupid.


ii also want t be happy.
ii, too, yearn for someone t own.
that happiness .. mine is so lil' but iim contented.
ii also want other's acknowledgement, but why isit so hard?


ii blame no one but ME.
bringing me in this situation where ii can do nothing,
nd not t go away.
iim too dependent on him.
iim sucha loser, ii reali feel it.
for bringing mineself into this deep shit ii cant get outs,
for clinging t him,
for getting mineself hurt nd continuing,
but ii reali want him.


loads of contradictories, it's killg me.
ii tynk iim real selfish ..
ii dunoes whether m ii reali seriously in l0ve with him or it's still those puppy love that ii seriously dont hope for.
mayb iim too naive nd too young for all this.
saeing not wantg for another r/s is childish ii suppose,
but it's hard.
fucking hard t get away .. but so easy t get caught.


fwens r with uu, but that empty feelg ain't fading ..