iim n0t crazy 0ver CG ; ii just find him cutes.
yes ; ii said he's cutes even when he sleeps in lecture but that's TRUE.
he's n0t g0od l0okg but like ii said, ii just find him cutes.
uu guys d0nt have t find him cutes ..
ii d0nt kn0w why m ii saying this c0s there's n0t a need t ..
but ii just felt that that's d truth.
ii ain't crazy over him ..
just s0me0ne who's able t make mine day BETTER, n0t GOOD.

c0ntradict0ry lies ; there's no restricti0ns f0r me n0w but ii missed it.

ii didn't know ii was so vulnerable in front of peiis.
ii tried t control but ii cant help it.
ii was n0t that n0nchalant as ii th0ught ii m ..
it still b0thers me nd he's stil of imp0rtance t me.

facade.
ii always seemd calm nd smiling but deep down h0w bad is that w0und.
everything just have t pop up when iim alone.
or even when iim just day-dreaming ..

iim seriously suffering from insomnia.
ii cant get t sleep or rather sleep well nd it's been three days.
ii just had mine eyes closed nd lying on bed restg ; that's all.
ii think sleepg pills is what ii need soon.
it's so tiring.
all ii think ab0ut is him.
ii even dream ab0ut him when ii finally catch s0me sleep.
nd ii stil rmbr me n0t wanting t wake up so d dream will n0t cease cos that's d onli time ii rmbr things so clearly b0uts him.
his v0ice ; his everything .. 0nly in dreams.
h0w pathetic of me ..

ii can just smile sweetly at d th0ught of him,
nd it was just a few days back ..
but f0r now,
guilt ; hurt ; sadness ; tears is all ii'v g0t.
ii admit ii stil laugh at mineself sometimes for all d dumb things we do.

ii dread listeng t songs.
ii dread l0okg at mine f0ne messages.
ii dread l0okg at mine friendster pr0file.
ii dread l0okg at mine friendster picture.
ii dread l0okg at mine picture f0lder.
ii dread l0okg at my d0cuments which alr has HIS folder.
so many things ; ii dread ; remindg me of him.
but ii stil yearn for him.

he's able t sp0il mine day so badly cos he stil matters.
ii d0nt want s0me0ne sp0iling mine day but ii stil want him.
s0meh0w humans are fan jian.
but it's just d way ..

ii w0uldn't want t n0t have d th0ught 0f thinkg b0uts him.
s0meh0w there's just these TONNES of things ii miss .. about him
ii miss his presence.
ii miss him spendg time w me on fone.
ii miss his voice.
ii miss him singing t me.
ii miss d times we crapped like there's no tomorrow.
ii miss him tellg me bouts his game ; sk0ol nd life.
ii miss his br0ther's interruption whenever we'r on d f0ne.
ii miss him getting all jealous but actg not.
ii miss him being nice ; offering t h0ld d f0ne while gaming.
ii miss him callg me t acc him when he cant get t sleep.
ii miss him being angry at me.
ii miss him smsing me t sae s0rry b0ut his attitude cos he cares.
ii miss him callg me when he's sad nd c0nfide in me.
ii miss him being sweet.
ii miss his g0odnight kiss.
ii miss him tellg me iim imp0rtant t him.
ii miss him tellg me he'l get jeal0us.
ii miss him c0rg nd acceptg himself as b0ii.
ii miss him saying that he's mine.
...
ii miss EVERYTHING ; ab0ut him.

ii noe ii seem like a loser AGAINs.
but ii cant help it ..


he may n0t mean everything but he's just as important.
he may not be d best guy out but t me he is.
he may n0t be d ideal person uu all think he shud b, but he is.
ii guess iim startg t side him agains.


well,
...
..
....
it's stil him ii l0ve.
(pardon ME, for everything. just a post full of rants nd c0ntradict0ries)